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October 6th, 2009
02:17 pm
I sort of forgot that LJ existed.
Heading down to San Mateo to work at the farmer's market....just killing a little time until then. Craving more excedrin than I have....ouch, what's up head-aches?
Things have been slllloooow on the work-front, state of CA is incredibly slow getting this substitute teacher credential processed, and I have not yet landed a job of any substance, career-wise. But something always seems to come through, and I am booked through then end of the month with enough gigs to help me float by again....it's only the beginning of the month, so hopefully, I'll pick up some more by the end of the month. I
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June 13th, 2009
12:31 am
CBEST tomorrow....I have to be there soooooo early, I need to get to sleep about an hour ago...of course, not tired....
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June 2nd, 2009
03:11 pm
Got to see Care today, and haven't seen her in way too long. Just a quick lunch together, but it was enough time to spread some water on some spots in my heart that had needed some watering...something so wonderful about even a few minutes with an old friend who you've known since childhood.
sun came out. finally. I'm going to go water the garden and get some more work done before picking up Ms. B at the airport. I've got to teach myself Illustrator for this job, but hey, at least I get paid, and I'm sure it's a useful skill-set to have.
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April 3rd, 2009
07:25 pm
Today, I was grateful for the shades of green I walked through in the park...and for the single, white lily that decided to bloom in the backyard this morning.
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January 22nd, 2009
02:55 pm - Pull(ing) It Together.
In college, a friend made buttons for a campaign she called "Pull It Together!" or "PIT!" It was a personal campaign...you know, "let's all get our lives on track. Who's in?"
Well, I always liked the concept, though the phrasing was a bit harsh for my taste.
I'm working hard to try to PIT right now, though. I feel intensely behind. I feel like I have a LOT of catching up to do on how to become a responsible adult doing all of those responsible adult things.
The insight that I had recently is that organization is actually a wonderful thing! It shortens the length of time between inspiration and action by simply making sure there are fewer obstacles in the way of inspired action (ie: I know where tools are when I need them, I have paid my bills on time and therefore don't have a looming cloud of worry fogging up my inspiration, etc...).
Yay for organization!
However, it's not easy for me. Anyone who has seen my room in it's typical state probably knows that I operate in that total stereotype of a "right brain" thinker. That doesn't mean that I am totally a "right brain" thinker (it would be ridiculous to think that people only thought on one side of the brain, and plus I always put the cap back on my toothpaste!), just that my room is complete chaos (or whatever natural disaster comparison shot you want to make....go ahead, I have heard them all...)
I'm trying really hard to organize and streamline. It's hard. This requires a complete re-structuring of the way I have operated throughout my entire life, or at least since adolescence...it's difficult to make such changes overnight. I am trying and doing the best that I can. It takes so long and I get really overwhelmed sometimes. But I am going to figure this out. Somehow. I have to, because I've realized how much time I waste searching for things, how many important things I misplace in the chaos (that I paradoxically have been subconsciously thinking fuels my creativity...when I see now that it is actually hindering my creativity). I'm trying to be both firm on myself (I really do have to do this) and gentle with myself (praising myself for significant improvement). I am not sure what the name of my campaign is, but I don't think I want to stick with "PIT!" I need something a little more...positive.
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December 26th, 2008
10:52 pm
I just got back from a charades party. I successfully acted out "Aristotelian Logic" FTW!
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December 9th, 2008
01:15 pm - behold the fabulousness of warm calves
was there life before leg-warmers? Since I've only acquired my first (and second) pair of leg-warmers in the last few months, reason tells me there must have been. But how I survived for nearly 27 years without them is beyond me (knee socks are a close second favorite, but I only discovered the wonders of those a year ago...). Most essential indoor winter accessory ever, if you ask me, and my 2 pairs are in heavy rotation
While I'm at it, I'm gonna go ahead and give a shout-out to hand-made hats and scarves, too.
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December 8th, 2008
11:36 am
I haven't been able to turn off my troublesome brain since I woke up this morning. It keeps getting me into to trouble this morning....dwelling on things with which I am unsatisfied.....and not moving on to the solution set.
A dissatisfied brain can mean quite a few things. In my case right now, I really think it's just the luxury of too much time. And so, I am forcing myself into doing boring filing work today....perhaps finishing up my book on tape while I do it. I have a lot of work to finish, and no time for this ridiculous drama my brain wants to create.....
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November 24th, 2008
04:37 pm - onward
These days, I am feeling very focused and expansive. Perhaps the most focused and expansive I have felt since the final days of working on my senior thesis. Perhaps.
Organization is a huge factor, and I'm finally making important changes in my organizing style. As in, actually DOING it. It feels really, really, really good. I have a ways to go, but I have to say, this past weekend was the most calm and organized I have felt working the birthday parties ever. I'm getting organized and getting into the groove. Making my own puppets and costumes and telling my own stories. And in the groove with it...the kids were right along with me. It was awesome. Want to continue this trend and market myself more to make this a bigger part of my income.
Also cooking so well for myself. I feel really good. And cooking well is pretty affordable, I am (re)discovering. Exercising a bit more, too (beautiful, wonderful, magical birthday hike with my family in the redwoods yesterday. I love the tradition we have started for my birthday. Could not think of a better way to spend it than hiking with my family). Writing a bit more, creating more. Generally feeling like I am on top of taking care of my mind, body. Finding my balance. It is nice to have the reminder to focus on making my way....finally figuring out what is right for me and how to make it work with my present circumstances. Making strides. I love the people in my life. I love getting to know them more. I am a bit sad about the relationship thing....but it seems for the best right now and.....well, I know myself well enough now to know that everything is going to be OK. I am going to be fine no matter what happens with all of it.
Materials have been falling into my life like magic. Things to create with. Popping up everywhere. Costume and craft materials and new clothes and new ideas. It's wonderful. I have to get rid of the excess I have around, which is a slow process, but I can do it. To Scrap tomorrow to check around and see what their donation policy is. If anyone needs mass quantities of mat board (with awesome velvety material on the front--various colors) or many toilet paper rolls, let me know. An art-teacher friend of mine may take them, but no specific claim in place yet.
I feel like this whole entry was a big pat on the back for me. Haha. Well maybe I needed that.
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November 10th, 2008
12:14 pm - laryngitis
I am alternating between no voice at all, sounding like I have a cold, and sounding very, very manly. This is a bad case.
My regimen so far is this: mucinex DM, gargling with salt-water, tea with lemon lemon lemon, warm water, drinking vinegar mixed with warm water and cayenne, gargling with vinegar (disgusting, but seems to work pretty well....). Oh, and a lot of vitamin C.
I hope I wake tomorrow to my old voice....
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October 23rd, 2008
11:42 am - "let's all share our dreams..."
 On a nice long walk the other night, I saw this place again. Perhaps my humor is getting a bit warped from all of the filing work I've been doing as of late, but I find this to be quite amusing. It really is a real place, though I've never seen it open. I always seem to be passing by at sunset. Even the print is old-school, and dig the tape holding up the sign. Marxist realtor on a budget!
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October 22nd, 2008
07:19 pm - bike rides and high fives
Ahhhh......had the nicest bike ride with Mikee today (with him on the way there, solo on the way back) to the Castro to distribute the very last of the postcards I had for Precarious Theatre's "I'm Yours! (or: Deranged by Love)" It's closing weekend....come if you can! Thursday, Friday and Saturday. www.precarioustheatre.com
Bike riding was......so so so nice today and so so so necessary. Had a nice long walk yesterday. Hadn't realized exactly how out of shape I was getting...until I got back tonight and realized that all my achy muscles were about 50 times better and that my endorphin level must be through the roof!
Have been doing lots of filing, in hopes of digging myself out of this stupid financial hole. It's boring, but I've discovered a new station on Pandora that I am liking a lot, so that makes it easier...
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October 21st, 2008
09:45 am - TOP 5 REASONS OBAMA SUPPORTERS SHOULDN'T REST EASY
OK, I just got this in an email from MoveOn and cut and paste, I admit....I'm not as "hope"ful as some people I know about the changes that Obama might make, but I mean come ON, seriously....can you imagine the state this country would be in after 4 years of the jokers currently on the republican ticket (shudder to even breathe their names) and with all those supreme court judges the next president will be appointing? It would be bad news. seriously bad news. Because the media won't even invite 3rd party candidates to the debates, I think we can reasonably assume that the election comes down to 2 presidential candidates. And Obama is clearly the better choice.
Here's the TOP 5 REASONS OBAMA SUPPORTERS SHOULDN'T REST EASY (so please do what you can, whatever that may be, in these last 2 weeks before the election!) 1. The polls may be wrong. This is an unprecedented election. No one knows how racism may affect what voters tell pollsters—or what they do in the voting booth. And the polls are narrowing anyway. In the last few days, John McCain has gained ground in most national polls, as his campaign has gone even more negative. 2. Dirty tricks. Republicans are already illegally purging voters from the rolls in some states. They're whipping up hysteria over ACORN to justify more challenges to new voters. Misleading flyers about the voting process have started appearing in black neighborhoods. And of course, many counties still use unsecure voting machines. 3. October surprise. In politics, 15 days is a long time. The next McCain smear could dominate the news for a week. There could be a crisis with Iran, or Bin Laden could release another tape, or worse. 4. Those who forget history... In 2000, Al Gore won the popular vote after trailing by seven points in the final days of the race. In 1980, Reagan was eight points down in the polls in late October and came back to win. Races can shift—fast! 5. Landslide. Even with Barack Obama in the White House, passing universal health care and a new clean-energy policy is going to be hard. Insurance, drug and oil companies will fight us every step of the way. We need the kind of landslide that will give Barack a huge mandate. If you agree that we shouldn't rest easy, please sign up to volunteer at your local Obama office by clicking here:
http://pol.moveon.org/obama/office.html?source=blog&id=14534-5946211-4yjWtox&t=1
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October 13th, 2008
03:01 pm
Just got back from Petaluma, spending time with my lovey sister and the kids. So good to see them....I came back with extra bundles of love and some paintings done by my niece.
They got a kitten! Oh, so cute! Kitten love.
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September 24th, 2008
12:27 pm
I was just thinking about how as I get older, things are less black and white and more shades of grey. It's sort of strange, because I think there's this general idea that getting older and wiser means getting more things figured out and sort of implies black and white, concreteness....
But really, it seems getting older and wiser almost means being more comfortable with the uncertainties, I feel. More comfortable with the fact that there is very little that can be summed up concretely...comfortable with the fact that things that are total certainties today might be completely uncertain tomorrow....
Like, when you learn a lesson, the world gets bigger, not smaller.....it's a gateway to the next set of lessons I have to learn. It only begins to seem simpler when I realize I just have to be more comfortable with complexity.
It's sort of comforting, I think, to realize.
End of psycho-babble rant for the day...
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July 24th, 2008
10:15 am
Yesterday was a most challenging day. One of the most challenging that I have had in ages. Won't get into details.
But I have to say that at the end of the day, I felt I had accomplished something. I spoke my mind about a difficult work situation, I danced off my frustrations, I cried 3 times (and once was out of joy!), and I literally HOWLED OUTLOUD and with complete abandon (in front of someone I had just met 10 minutes before, nonetheless--and BOTH were out of joy....or at least release). And of course, that made me laugh. I think, despite the challenges that brought me to all of those points, if ever there was a fruitful day, yesterday probably was one.
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July 20th, 2008
04:34 pm - Honeymoon phase with the new job
OK, I realize that eventually, it will probably start to feel like a JOB....
but can I just say that my new job is a lot of freaking fun?! Who knew that being a party entertainer would be such a lucrative field (more lucrative than anything else I was doing with my college degree....) and that I would love painting faces so much? Balloon animals are OK, but I gotta get faster...
Here's my fairy princess make-up from today (I was running really late, so this was done in about 2 minutes, tops....I want my next one to be more elaborate)  
This weekend, I was a clown (not the scary make-up kind...just bright colorful, fun), snow white and a fairy princess. Lots of commuting for the first 2, but today was at the SF zooo....love it!
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May 31st, 2008
09:10 pm
Contrary to last weekend, when I was so freaking down in the dumps, I can think of nothing more I want to do than make tea, listen to weekend NPR shows (Prairie Home Companion, This American Life, Wait, wait don't tell me!) and finish up these puppets. Good thing, because I have about 15 hours to do it. Eep!
Why is procrastination the most sure-fire way to silence my inner-critic. Need to figure out another way to de-rail the jerk...
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May 25th, 2008
07:18 pm
At least there is an extra day in this weekend, that is all that I can say. The stuff I am working on takes such an amazingly giant amount of time, I just hope having an extra day will help me catch up a bit.
Today was the second day I attempted to do no coffee. Yesterday was fine, just that it slipped by with me 2 hours behind the whole day, it seemed. But I still managed to stay up until 4 am working on the picasso study (missed a great party, apparently....beginning to get used to and trying to be OK with realizing that I will always be missing out on something...)
Only lasted until 5 pm today with no cofffee, when I fell asleep on Muni, dropped the sewing machine off for the set designer at the theatre witha caffeine withdrawal headache and promptly headed to the first donut shop I saw for a single plain hazelnut coffee, thank you very much. Ah, that's better.
more construction tonight. I am starting to think in cubes and plains more easily now, which I hope means that things will go faster from here on out. Yikes. Publicity photos coming soon....performance soon after.
And then Light Brown Apple Moth spray emails to send out. I'll post about that soon. I wish the time-table on this wasn't so sensitive. I'm buried in work, but I simply can't sit by and let the spray happen without at least attempting to do SOMETHING about it...more soon.
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May 6th, 2008
09:14 pm - candy girl
candy falls into 3 categories for me:
1) I will eat it no matter if I will explode from sugar overdose (chocolate is really the only thing that falls in this category)
2) It's ok if there is no chocolate around
3) that which is eaten in times of great desperation
I impulse bought some new "Chocolate Mix" Skittles at the drugstore yesterday. I just tried them and thought they might land in the 2) category. But I just finished the bag, and now I am pretty sure they fall in category #3....eww.....they really only should be eaten in times of great desperation. Puke.
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